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Puppies

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The Errand

I couldn’t control much about Mom’s condition, so when there was something I could do, I really got into the assignment. My sister Lori, who works with the elderly, told me that memory care facilities often have therapeutic stuffed animals or baby dolls available for their residents. It’s not just about having an object to cuddle or to occupy their hands. The dolls and stuffed toys are considered “therapeutic” because they are a way to soothe, reduce agitation, and bring comfort. While medication is often needed in the treatment of dementia, there are non-drug approaches such as these that can be integrated as well. Read more

Each Name

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(Time Period: Shortly after moving Mom into the care home.)

At any one time in my mother’s group home, there were ten elderly residents. During certain periods, a man or two would be part of the mix, but more often the residents were women. Some lived there for several years and others just a few months. Most had a degree of dementia. All were limited physically.

I remember each of their names: Colleen, Edith, Pearl, Gail, Sue, Ann, Trudy, Marge, Maxine, Joanna, Bill, Irv, Janice, and others. Read more

A Baked Potato Conversation

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(Time Period: The first few weeks after Mom moved into memory care.)

Conversation # 1: It Made Sense To Me

Six weeks after my father died, we moved my mother to a smaller assisted living community so that she could receive more personalized care. We were relieved to have found what appeared to be the perfect setting for Mom, yet we were anxious about her transition. Eager to relay everything there was to know about Grace to her caregivers, we typed a brief summary of her background and personality traits, as well as more detailed notes that covered her daily routines and preferences. The bullet points ranged from Mom’s bedtime habits to her favorite TV programs and from her clothes and most comfortable outfits to the big topic: Food. Read more

What Do They Remember?

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(Time Period: About two years after Mom moved into memory care.)

Avoiding the Word

When Mom first showed signs of a failing memory, I found myself using a certain word and asking the same thing repeatedly. That single-worded question was this: “Remember?”

That’s your niece, Gloria, your sister Rose’s daughter. Remember?

That’s when you and Dad took a trip to Hawaii. Remember? Read more

A Little Defiance Is Good

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(Time Period: About a year after Mom moved into the smaller assisted living home with memory care.)

“These Are Strange”

“I ordered Grace the Alzheimer’s pajamas.”

“Okay,” I responded, “What are Alzheimer’s pajamas?” Read more

Does She Know You?

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The Question Everyone Asked

“Does she know you?” That’s the question everyone asked and I understand why. There is much anguish in anticipating that someone you love deeply and know intimately might not respond with that familiar smile. Read more

Grading Visits

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Good or Bad

“She smiled and acknowledged us. It was a good visit.” My friend Ira described a 15-minute interaction with his mother who was confined in a memory care facility during the height of the pandemic. With plexiglass restrictions and no-touch rules, it was especially heartbreaking. That Sunday, receiving a smile from his mother made it a fraction more bearable. Read more

Still Teaching, Even Now

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(Time Period: In the last few months of my mother’s life while she received hospice care.)

The Gentle Reminder

In the final months of my mother’s life, I sat by her bedside while she rested, played soft music and even watched a bit of the Food Network with her when she was up for it. The days ebbed and flowed with the overall direction clear but the exact timing unknown. Overall it was a peaceful phase. Read more