It’s Life

(Time Period: About two years after moving to the care home.)

Gabriel answered the door with a warm smile. As he walked me into the family room, he gave me the report: “Grace had a restless night.”

Though she could no longer walk on her own, Mom often managed to get herself out of bed and while seated on the floor, to “scooch” around the room. On this particular night, Gabriel and Angela had checked on her and found her sorting through the stack of shoe boxes on the floor of her closet. Various bureau drawers were open with clothes spilling over the edges. Mom looked up at Gabriel and put her forefinger to her lips: “Shh.”

All this nighttime activity resulted in exhaustion the next day, for Gabriel and Angela, and most especially, for Mom. Interrupted sleep cycles are very common with dementia.

There were other days when the updates were more upsetting for me to hear such as when she bumped her head on a door-stop nearly missing her eye, or when she went through a phase of undressing in front of everyone right before dinner, or suffered yet another variety of humiliation associated with going to the bathroom.

Gabriel and Angela knew it was hard for me to hear these things. With great compassion, they would often say, “I’m sorry.” They would follow this with the only explanation they had to offer: It’s life.

Said differently, these words might have sounded trite or even hopeless, yet here, delivered with Romanian accents, wisdom and kindness, they did not. Somehow, though tinged with sadness, I also found their words comforting. It is life. Growing older is part of life, and sometimes – not always – that includes decline and illness. Most importantly, and what I took from their words is that taking care of each other is part of life.

It’s life. At the heart of their message was acceptance. It gave me a peacefulness, that this was not so much tragic, as it was a natural opportunity to take care of a loved one.

Things happen in life. We can dwell on the tragic aspect or, on the opportunity to serve, to love, to be an encouraging presence.

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Note: Names have been changed for privacy.