Flying Into Any Windows Lately?

The Red Cardinal

A red cardinal has become a frequent visitor this winter at my friend Jackie Johnson’s home in Connecticut. She first spotted him flying repeatedly into her front window, which was quite understandable since the window offers a clear view straight through her house and out another window. Add to this the blinding combination of bright winter sun and voluminous amounts of snow on the ground. Jackie banged on the glass and scared it away, feeling that it was “the kind thing to do.” To her dismay, a few days later she discovered the cardinal flying into the window again – and repeatedly so. Wouldn’t this little fellow learn?

A New Metaphor

After several visits by the cardinal and the realization that no amount of window banging was going to make that bird take a different path to her backyard, Jackie pondered the metaphor. We laughed as we gave name to what we now refer to as our “flying into the window behavior.” We all have those things we do over and over with disappointing results.

Sometimes the resistance to trying a new approach is connected to the fear it won’t work and to the memory of past failed attempts. Here’s where we can learn from that silly cardinal. I bet he didn’t go back to his nest berating himself and feeling badly.

What can help is allowing yourself a “design phase.” This is what I called it this year when I decided to revamp my exercise routine. In granting myself several weeks to experiment with a few different ideas (time of day, type of exercise, whether to join a gym), the desired new behavior (increased physical activity) is already happening without it having to be perfectly executed from day one.

My client Gail¹ wants to make more time to build her business, and we’re exploring different work habits that will help her. She prefers the idea of practicing these new routines vs. imposing a rigid structure. They are more appealing to her when framed like this.

What’s Another Way?

As you release yourself from old behaviors that no longer work for you and seek to replace them with strategies that are more effective, remember there is usually more than one right answer. The important thing is getting yourself to try something new. If it works, keep it in your repertoire.

This Week’s Call To Action:

• What is your flying into the window behavior?
• What’s another way?

In the next issue, I’ll address how to “bang on the window” in the moment you recognize you’re flying that familiar pattern.

“What is necessary to change a person
is to change his awareness of himself.”
–Abraham Maslow

Notes:
¹Name changed for privacy.