Invisible Connection

(Time Period: Throughout Mom’s time in the care home.)

A Lesson in Mindfulness

When it is no longer possible to communicate with our loved ones the way we used to, how does connection occur? It was natural to wonder about Mom’s ability to connect with us. Was she understanding what we were saying? Was she feeling comforted by our presence? The answers to these questions were not always apparent. This led me to realize there was something else to explore: my own ability to connect with her. Read more

When Words Are Few

(Time Period: Throughout Mom’s time in the care home.)

Conversations & Comprehension

In the first several months of memory care, Mom still conversed fairly well. Over time she spoke less, though she enjoyed listening to conversations. Paragraphs of speech were reduced to single sentences, often punctuated with a smile, laugh, or nodding of her head to demonstrate she was tracking with us. Read more

Not Exactly a Role Reversal

(Time Period: Toward the end of Mom’s first year in memory care.)

What is Happening?

“Now the roles are reversed.” It’s a statement that is often made with regard to caring for elderly parents and there is something to it. We are trying to describe what’s going on, to make sense of the changes that are occurring. Our parents need help taking care of things around the house, managing their finances, or deciphering medical diagnoses and treatments. We declare, “It’s our turn to take care of them.”

Read more

Ferris Wheel Moments

Earlier this month at a town festival, I had the opportunity to go on a Ferris wheel with our five-year-old grandson. Three things stayed with me from our ride in the sky:

#1

It had been many years since I was on a Ferris wheel. As we waited in line for 45 minutes with the sun beating down, my perspiration was from two sources. I confessed, “I’m a little scared but I can do it.” His smile conveyed that he’d help me through it. When the ride was over, we celebrated that even though I had been scared, it turned out to be super fun.

#2

“Look at the view!” Hearing this from a five-year-old impressed me. He kept repeating it and wanted to take in the trees, buildings, and the whole town. We located where the rest of the family was waiting for us. The more I noticed the broader view, the more my hands loosened their tight grip on the bar and were free to point out the different sights.

#3

After one rotation, we thought that was it, the entire ride. There was a long line of people waiting to get on and maybe the rides would have to be short. It turned out that the first time around was just the loading of everyone into the gondolas. (As I said, it had been a while since I was on a Ferris wheel.) With each rotation, we exclaimed and counted:

“Two!”

“Three!”

“How many more do you think there will be?”

“Four!”

“Five!”

“Do you think we’ll get to ten?”

“Six!” (followed by hysterical laughter)

We were thrilled to have six rotations and amazed each time there had been another! It brought to mind the sentiment in birthday cards about celebrating another “ride around the sun.” Imagine arriving at each birthday, open to the feeling that bubbled over from my grandson on that ride: to be surprised, happy, and grateful for each rotation.

Wherever your feet take you this summer, may you find something new to take in, an enhanced perspective, and gratitude for another rotation on the Ferris wheel.

Ferris wheel with suspended gondolas with seats for passengers at a fair revolving against a sunny blue sky. White text that says: “To be surprised, happy, and grateful for each rotation.” Blog Post: Ferris Wheel Moments, inthecurrent.com

 

 

 

Shoes Tell a Story (Part 2)

In Shoes Tell a Story (Part 1), the theme was Connection. This next installment has to do with Identity.

(Time Period: About two months before my mother died)

Planning Ahead

Years before she had Alzheimer’s and while going through clothes in her closet one day, with a quick mention and point of her finger, Mom indicated the outfit that she wanted for her burial. It was the pink silk, two-piece dress that she had worn to my wedding. The day we shopped for it at Lord & Taylor, we both knew immediately it was the perfect choice and she had looked beautiful in it. Read more

Shoes Tell a Story (Part 1)

Sensible Shoes

Mom started using a walker during the first year in Arizona. The community where she and Dad lived had an expansive campus and it became too much to walk unassisted outside of their apartment. By the end of the day it was evident that the signal from Mom’s brain to her legs was misfiring. This resulted in an awkward turnout of her legs with bent knees, making it impossible to continue walking or even stand up straight. Likely both brain and legs were exhausted by then. Read more

Puppies

The Errand

I couldn’t control much about Mom’s condition, so when there was something I could do, I really got into the assignment. My sister Lori, who works with the elderly, told me that memory care facilities often have therapeutic stuffed animals or baby dolls available for their residents. It’s not just about having an object to cuddle or to occupy their hands. The dolls and stuffed toys are considered “therapeutic” because they are a way to soothe, reduce agitation, and bring comfort. While medication is often needed in the treatment of dementia, there are non-drug approaches such as these that can be integrated as well. Read more

Each Name

(Time Period: Shortly after moving Mom into the care home.)

At any one time in my mother’s group home, there were ten elderly residents. During certain periods, a man or two would be part of the mix, but more often the residents were women. Some lived there for several years and others just a few months. Most had a degree of dementia. All were limited physically.

I remember each of their names: Colleen, Edith, Pearl, Gail, Sue, Ann, Trudy, Marge, Maxine, Joanna, Bill, Irv, Janice, and others. Read more