The Joy of Connection (Part 1)

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Strangers Who Understand

(Time Period: Within the last ten months of my mother’s life, under hospice care.)

Dinner was about to be served and it was time to wrap up our visit. As Jess and I were on our way out, we turned to see Gabriel wheeling Mom to the head of the table. Rather than transfer her to the dining room chairs, it was better – safer and less of a fall risk – to have her stay in the wheelchair now. Today Mom was smiling, her appetite was good and she had the energy to hold herself up for a meal with the group. It was more common, however, to find her leaning to one side, no matter how much the caregivers repositioned her or propped her up with pillows. That Mom might slide out of the chair was a constant concern.

Jess unlocked the car door and suggested we head directly to a store to find a makeshift seatbelt. We drove to REI (the outdoor sports equipment store) in search of a solution. It didn’t dawn on us that these wheelchair accessories are readily available online or at medical supply stores. Read more

Beginning to See

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A New View

About six months ago, I was talking with three of my coach friends from Connecticut. We’ve been “meeting virtually” on a monthly basis for many years and long before Zoom existed. I was in the midst of giving an update on a project that, for a variety of reasons, was taking longer than expected. I was very eager to have it done, however on that day, a more patient me provided this report:

“As I work on what’s necessary, I’m beginning to see what’s possible.”

As I work on:

what must be done first but I wish were done already,
what isn’t always that exciting to do,
what has some tedious components,
and what I thought would be done by now,

I’m beginning to see:

more than I could have imagined before I did this piece of work,
more than I thought would be possible,
something that is different,
and better than I originally planned.

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It’s Life

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(Time Period: About two years after moving to the care home.)

Gabriel answered the door with a warm smile. As he walked me into the family room, he gave me the report: “Grace had a restless night.”

Though she could no longer walk on her own, Mom often managed to get herself out of bed and while seated on the floor, to “scooch” around the room. On this particular night, Gabriel and Angela had checked on her and found her sorting through the stack of shoe boxes on the floor of her closet. Various bureau drawers were open with clothes spilling over the edges. Mom looked up at Gabriel and put her forefinger to her lips: “Shh.” Read more

Change of Seats

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During the first few weeks of visiting Mom in the group home, I noticed how each of the residents was at a different stage, in terms of the progression of dementia. Along the U-shape of reclining chairs in the family room, Arlene and Elizabeth were the two ladies who sat across from Mom and Shirley. They spoke very few words and needed assistance getting up and down. Caregivers refer to this as transferring someone, such as from chair, to wheelchair, to dining room table. If two caregivers are needed, that means it’s a two-person transfer. Read more

One Sweater at a Time

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On Saturday mornings, I’d arrive at Mom’s and we’d go sit in her private room while her caregivers vacuumed and picked up the house. Her room was very pleasant, well-lit by natural sunlight and with a window overlooking the pool – “the oceanfront room,” as Tim and Cristina, the owners of the group home, lightheartedly referred to it. Read more